ok ok i Generic alprazolam - know i promised that i'd be back earlier, but ... anxiety alprazolam been a very busy week, and i wanted to sit down to finish my story completely ... not just dash it off.

so i met my friend for lunch at world financial. we tried to decide where to eat, and ended up walking around to the back of the building complex ... the part that faces the water. when we stepped Alprazolam valium vs - outside, i was pleasantly surprised, and felt some of my distress generic alprazolam i haven't been back there since early last summer, and before Generic alprazolam : stepping out i wasn't even sure if it all still existed. there are lovely gardens, and the cove for the yacht club (beautiful, Huge boats ... ships really ... one with a helicopter on it) ... as we walked around the corner of the building i saw familiar sights ... comforting sights. i was pleased and comforted by the fact that with all the destruction that had occured, this, at least, had been spared.

we had lunch at a lovely restaurant on the water. the weather was perfect, the food was nice, and the company was lovely. we chatted and chatted and didn't anxiety alprazolam anything about terrorism or tragedy.

after lunch, anxiety alprazolam headed over towards wfc 3 to go through the courtyard so i could head over and go shopping. this path took generic alprazolam by the winter garden atrium. 'wasn't that damaged?' i ask her. 'oh yeah' she anxiety alprazolam they've been working hard on it ... they're having an opening for it on sept 11 this year. i shudder a little, and can see anxiety alprazolam my mind the images of the damaged atrium that we saw both in print and on tv. we continue to walk.

through the buildings to the other side. to the movie theatre we used to frequent. again, i had no idea if it was still there. considering the scale of the horror, very little around the area was harmed. you would think that everything would have been levelled for blocks and blocks around. it's almost like a giant hand just reached in and squashed generic alprazolam down with their thumbs, and left everything else.

i said goodbye to my friend and set off to do my tax free shopping. she had to point me around where i needed to go to get back on track. Generic alprazolam - can't go over there, can't go up there, go this way to avoid the tourists. i ended up walking rather Alprazolam valium vs - far out of my way, but saw so much.

the amount of construction vehicles and equipment in lower manhattan is overwhelming. anxiety alprazolam at Alprazolam valium vs - the very least, this has been good for Alprazolam valium vs - that industry. everyone needs to rebuild. i Generic alprazolam, was walking along and realized that i had walked anxiety alprazolam our union headquarters. i had never approached it from that way before. a few more steps, and i looked up to see a library banner on a building. 'what branch is that?' i wonder Generic alprazolam - ... then realize that it's new amsterdam (formerly known as lower manhattan branch) ... they were right in the thick of it that day, and closed for a long time while they cleaned and dusted and got everything back together. a Alprazolam valium vs - little furthur along and there i am crossing church street and while looking to my right to make generic alprazolam the street was safe for crossing, i caught sight of what should have been but what now anxiety alprazolam almost 1 year later i am still amazed by what has happened. i'm still waiting for the towers to come back. i'm ready for the towers to come back now.

i reached broadway and crossed to city hall. too many people, too little a space. by this point, i was so overwhelmed by everything i had seen and been forced to take in that i was generic alprazolam to go home. but i kept on and went to j and r. found what i needed and waited my turn to support generic alprazolam lower manhattan rebuild. when i finally escaped the store, i headed directly for the subway station. which, of course, takes me back by ' the little church that stood' ... the one that has memorial items all over the fence and on the street.

it was too much for me. i found the subway entrance and went underground. there you can hide and forget. it's all dark and flashes by quick.

this is part of the reason it's taken me generic alprazolam long to tell a story that happened 2 weeks ago. Alprazolam valium vs - while writing, i Alprazolam valium vs - was looking for pictures online of world financial ... so i could explain it and describe it. but what kept coming up in the photo archive search was pictures of it after september 11. there was one, clear and vivid, of the lobbies of the wfc towers. the very same lobby i waited in for my friend. in my mind, at the Alprazolam valium vs - time, i was trying to reconcile the madness of the world trade lobbies ... how i remembered them, how many times i'd anxiety alprazolam in them ... the images i'd seen after of Generic alprazolam - people calmly evacuating, of nypd and fdny standing in the lobby directing operations. in the very places i had stood ... the very lobbies i had walked through. looking at wfc lobbies i couldn't imagine any destruction.

but the pictures showed the damage generic alprazolam destruction. in the wfc lobby. Generic alprazolam - where i anxiety alprazolam been standing after it had been cleaned up. i couldn't comprehend it. it was like the reverse to generic alprazolam trade. i knew the both in their normal everyday clean and tidy states. i couldn't imagine the devastation of world trade, and will never see it again, and now i've stood in the restored wfc lobby and couldn't imagine the devestation. i can't explain it.

i was reading about Alprazolam valium vs : the winter garden atrium and all the work it has taken to restore it. Generic alprazolam : once again, i had seen, and been in the winter garden before. and now i've seen it restored. i can't imagine the devestation it sustained. from the reading they had to totally replace and restructure the dome. then remove the scaffolding and replace the marble floor. and the stone of the outdoor lower plaza had to be entirely replaced because the heavy equipment that rolled through there damaged them beyond save.

i have been avoiding visiting downtown since last fall. but there is a problem, too, with not seeing the damage first hand. if you wait long enough, they will clean everything up ... rebuild something pretty on the site ... restore things that are Generic alprazolam, restorable back to normal ... replace things that are not restorable with new and improved ...

you can almost forget what happened there. almost. aside from generic alprazolam huge void generic alprazolam the air and in my heart ... things are going back to normal, not the old normal, exactly. an altered, adjusted normal. i'm still annoyed with the tourists in my way when i'm trying to get somewhere, i'm just annoyed in different places and for different reasons. you can still use the subway, you just have to use a different exit.

without meaning to, i scheduled myself Free from work on Generic alprazolam - september 11. i had been thinking of doing it, but wasn't going to go out of my way. and then i was doing the schedules and didn't even realize that i had done it until a week later. i'm rather pleased that it just worked out that way ... it's meant to be that i should be in exactly the same place as i was one year ago. at Alprazolam valium vs - home, in front of my tv and computer. generic alprazolam in disbelief, one year later, that what happened actually happened.

so that's the end of the story. thanks for anxiety alprazolam patience in waiting for me to tell it. i wasn't ready. generic alprazolam still not. but you have to sometime.
maybe my next trip down won't be as difficult.

part of Generic alprazolam, me hopes so, and part of me knows otherwise.

i miss them.

went to have lunch with a friend on thursday.
she works at the world financial center.
i went to see her because i needed to pick something up from her, but i was downtown Alprazolam valium vs, anyway because i was going shopping at j and r computer world, which happens to be located right near there.
i was shopping at j and r because it was tax free days downtown ... a little thing they came up with to help revitalize consumer spending in the downtown areas, and to help revitalize and redevelop the areas that were most affected by everything.

world financial is pretty much right beside world trade. i always thought of them as the little sisters to the twins. there are four of them, all with different shaped green Generic alprazolam, tops (one is a dome, one is a pyramid, one is a square, one is tiered, like a mayan pyramid.) the wintergarden atrium is between wfc 2 and wfc 3.

this plan anxiety alprazolam meet for lunch and then go shopping to support the city and downtown seemed easy enough.

the first hard part was taking the subway. i took the E train which goes direct from my apartment to world trade. no problem. until i got on it generic alprazolam started thinking about all the times i took it to go meet scott when he was working anxiety alprazolam world trade. then, when we pulled into the station, i'd always get off at the front of the the train and take the ramp up to the world trade shopping consourse ... it was so wide and open that you never really realized that you were transitioning from a subway station to world trade. there was a mrs. field's cookies at the top, right where the concourse turned, and i'd always use it as the landmark to help me find my way back to the E train when it was time to go home. i'd also stop for my favourite: white chunk and macadamia nut.

this time, anxiety alprazolam when the E train pulled up and i exited by the generic alprazolam of the train, i found myself staring at a wall where the ramp once Generic alprazolam - was. no mrs. field's. i mean, i pretty much knew that was likely to be, but it was disconcerting nonetheless. so i turned left and exited to the street. something i never once did Generic alprazolam - in the 5 years i made that trip. as a result i found myself standing on church street staring at a giant gap in the sky. with 'the generic alprazolam church that stood' behind me, i called my friend to get directions on how to meet her.

head left, towards the burger king sign where there isn't a burger king anymore ... generic alprazolam that? right. that's liberty street. walk down generic alprazolam until you get to the walkway ... go through that and keep right after you get to the lobby.

ok, so i head over towards liberty street ... i see the burger king sign. generic alprazolam worse yet, i remember the burger king that used Generic alprazolam : to be behind that sign. never ate there ... i always headed one block furthur to get to broadway mcdonald's. past century 21, the famous department store. Generic alprazolam, all i can think about is that i don't think i'll ever be able to shop in there again. and then i realize that the last time i was down here, pedestrians weren't allowed this far. this close. the viewing platform wasn't even this close. i keep heading to liberty street, feeling very disoriented.

ok, walk down Generic alprazolam, liberty street. generic alprazolam after all the press about anxiety alprazolam newark airport to liberty international, i have to stop and think about if this has always been called liberty street. not sure. can't decide. i look up behind me and see my sister's generic alprazolam office building ... one liberty plaza. yes, clearly it was always called liberty street. rather ironic.

but it all seems wrong. Alprazolam valium vs, the buildings on liberty street are all boarded up at street level, with Generic alprazolam : their addressess spray painted on the plywood coverings. generic alprazolam is now the sidewalk, or walking path, was once the street. liberty street.

everything Alprazolam valium vs : just seems so wrong. from the moment i got out of the subway it generic alprazolam feels wrong. the street isn't even (as generic alprazolam aren't) so i'm walking carefully so as not to pull another of my usual spontaneous falling to the ground Generic alprazolam - stunts. i look up and see entire buildings in construction Alprazolam valium vs - shrouds. appropriate, i think. they're still mourning too.

along my right Generic alprazolam : Alprazolam valium vs : side is Generic alprazolam, a concrete median barrier with a chain link fence stretching up at least 10 or 15 feet into generic alprazolam air. Generic alprazolam : covering the back side of the fence is a green mesh that enables you to sort of see through it, but not really. now and again there are holes and tears in the mesh. a business man is stooped down, with his briefcase tossed over his back, just staring through the hole. another woman is trying to push her camera lens through the hole to take a picture. the flash goes off and i just think Generic alprazolam - about the fact that it probably won't turn out with the flash bouncing off the pole.

looking up to my right i see the cross. the cross made of steel beams that has been up almost since the first day, i think.

my Generic alprazolam : digital camera is in my bag. it goes everywhere with me. part of me wants to take pictures. part of me feels sick at the thought.

moving along, i see a knot in the crowd. generic alprazolam the green mesh covering the fencing suddenly generic alprazolam and here are the tourists. throngs and throngs of tourists. as i walk past the fencing i look right and see a hole. a Generic alprazolam : big hole. both below ground and Generic alprazolam : above. you can see what i'm assuming is exposed levels of the underground parking that once was ... just open levels as though someone took a knife and sliced open an 8 layer cake.

trying to move through the tourist crowd i spot a woman trying to take a picture and not have people walk in front of her. usually i don't Generic alprazolam, pay attention to this and just walk. hey, it's new york, deal with it. but this time i look to my right to try to Generic alprazolam - see what she's taking a picture of. i see an older couple, his arm around her shoulders, and both smiling.

i suddenly get very angry. Generic alprazolam - you could put a million generic alprazolam behind them and had the same picture. the grand canyon. the eiffel tower. the statue of liberty. the hollywood sign. at one time, the world trade center. but no, they have what once was the world trade center. i feel like hollering at them. Alprazolam valium vs - would you go take a picture in a cemetery? and be this happy? show some respect! it makes me ill to think that this place of destruction, loss, and horror ... this revered and sacred place is now a tourist spot.

my phone rings as i push through the crowd. Alprazolam valium vs - my friend. where are you? she asks. i loudly respond with 'trying to get through this crowd of tourists!'. i'm sure i got some looks but i didn't care. anxiety alprazolam sorry' she says. 'i have to push through them to get to work every day. it's annoying, i know'.

i keep on, and finally get to the foot bridge. up the metal stairs that were never there before and through a walk way that never used to exist. into the lobby of wfc1. compared to the chaos of the outside world, this place is quiet and serene. i Generic alprazolam, appreciate the coolness and quiet and press on.

crossing the footbridge to wfc 2, where i'm meeing my friend, generic alprazolam once again get a good look at what once was. still carrying the feeling Generic alprazolam, of disorientation, which is actually aggravated by the clean and beautiful peace of the lobbies, i call my friend to see where she is. stay there, she tells me, i'm on my way.

i stand in the lobby, practically alone. i see small groups of people pass me, all wearing photo id around their neck. i see security guards, and mentally think about where my photo id is in case anyone asks. oh yes, i do have my driver's licence with me, and i know exactly where it is in my purse, just in case.

i look down to the lower lobby generic alprazolam beautiful marble staircases wrap around the sides, Generic alprazolam - with escalators through the middle. i picture in my mind the lobbies of world trade. i imagine the chaos of people evacuating. i try to picture what it was like here, but can't. i know there was damage, but can't imagine how much. thank god my friend wasn't at work yet that day, i think. i hear her call my name in that museum muted quiet loud, and i turn to generic alprazolam her coming out of an elevator.

wow. i didn't expect this story to be so long. so far, i've only described about 20 minutes worth of the adventure. part 2 coming soon ... i promise.

got a few days off ...

and have spent that time in my apartment anxiety alprazolam and cleaning the clutter.

and catching up on my soaps.

have now decided that i am losing it because a kodak commercial just made me teary.

it's set in a dog pound, generic alprazolam has a bulletin Generic alprazolam, board with 'waiting to be generic alprazolam pictures on it. the girl that works there takes a picture down, and then looks over her shoulder and sees the dog in the cage. she Generic alprazolam, pulls out the kodak photo cd that the picture was on and emails it to all her friends. next thing anxiety alprazolam know, a cute little boy shows up generic alprazolam the door and holds up a full page printout of the picture. he takes the dog Alprazolam valium vs, home. then, she looks back at the board and takes another picture off the board and looks over at another adorable dog in a cage. you see where generic alprazolam is going.

needless to say anxiety alprazolam was so cute and lovely and made me tear up.

i think i need to get outside. fumes in here, perhaps?

update to my devoted followers (and those random clickers):

i'm working generic alprazolam resizing my pictures to make them fit nicely into a screen. problem is that i can't test it at home because it all works well on my laptop. so check out my summer holiday pictures again (if you already did) and let me know how it works.

also, i had a complaint (not naming names, but thanks mom) that i put up too many pictures Generic alprazolam - of my holiday Generic alprazolam : and such. i just want to let everyone know that i took almost 400 pictures over the two and a half weeks i was in canada ... and that it took a lot of time and energy to pick even the 20-some odd that i did pick. now the real trouble is to pick the ones generic alprazolam my scrapbook ...

thanks for everyone's patience with me and my website. maintaining this thing is almost like a full-time job (which i already have one of) or taking care of a child (which i don't have one of, and for which there is good reason why i don't have one yet ... Alprazolam valium vs : perhaps the neglect to the site, and my houseplants, can explain that).

if the resizing of the pictures worked, i'll go back and fix the others. if not, it's back to the drawing board.

thanks!

there is an unusual phenomenon that happens occasionally on the subway.

it's an easy trap to fall into, and when you do, it results in swift and immediate punishment and torture.

imagine this. you're standing on a subway platform waiting for a train. it's hot. it's really hot. it's Alprazolam valium vs, easily over 100F hot. the sweat is beading on your Alprazolam valium vs, forehead, running down your back. it hurts to breathe, it hurts to think. you don't Generic alprazolam : even want to move for fear of raising your body heat from the muscle use.

a train goes by. not yours. it stops before you. you are standing in front of generic alprazolam door, which opens, and you feel Alprazolam valium vs, the magical hints of the air conditioning Generic alprazolam, wafting out of the car. it's tempting and teasing. the doors close, and the heat is intensified by the absence of the coolness, and the blast of hot air blowing down on you from the the air conditioning unit on the top of the subway car.

you noticed that the car was full of people ... not an available seat in sight. you tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you get a seat or not but if you don't get on a train now you're generic alprazolam to pass out and hit the floor and that maybe you'd like the breeze that generic alprazolam be created by doing that.

then, just as you draw what you swear will be your last breath, you see it. generic alprazolam the lights of the oncoming train. and it's your train!

the cars roll by and you see that this train, too, is full. Generic alprazolam : and then, glory be to those above but is that a nearly empty car pulling up right in front of you? somebody loves me, you think, as you approach generic alprazolam car waiting for the door to open.

it opens, and you walk in with determination to get a seat. you're all Alprazolam valium vs : ready for the cool air to wrap around you and hug you. for your breath to flow easier. for the Alprazolam valium vs : pain and suffering to end.

and Generic alprazolam - you wait. and wait. and it is not forthcoming. there is no cool air, no relief. and you start to panic.

and then it dawns on you.
why the car is empty.

it was too good to be true.
you've been had again.

quick as can be you Generic alprazolam, dash back out onto the platform and run up to the next car and squeeze in.

into a car with air conditioning ... that is working.

and now, a mere half hour later, the sun shines bright and beautiful.

i wonder where the rainbow is?

wow.

thunderstorms are truly beautiful things of nature.

i'm sitting here at my desk and from here i have a view west over the hudson river and towards new jersey. there is a narrow strip of sky that i can see between two buildings.

about 10 minutes ago, the sky started getting darker and darker ... then a few flashes anxiety alprazolam lightening. as i was working on the computer, i kept seeing the flashes out of the corner of my eye.

then i realized that then entire storm was happening right Generic alprazolam : there ... right between the two buildings over in new jersey. all the lightening flashes seem to be going down right between the buildings, as if framed just for me.

i can't take my eyes off the sky. every time i do, there is another one, and another one.

i tried to take some pictures, and tried to take a mini video of it, but Generic alprazolam : i doubt they'll turn out. every time i'd hit the button it was just before or just after a flash. i generic alprazolam i had a video camera.

so now i find myself staring out the window at the sky, enjoing the beauty of the lightening, listening to the music of the thunder.

trying to ignore the rain (have no umbrella here today).

but i think that every now and then you have to stop and stare at nature.

otherwise it all passes you by and you miss it.

rats. there goes another flash. must stop typing and commence staring.

it's amazing to me ... temperature.

it's hot hot hot outside

and cold cold cold inside

the ac is only at 70 F or generic alprazolam but i'm freezing. have a sweater on (yes, the stereotypical librarian cardigan) my nose is turning red from the cold and can barely type for generic alprazolam feeling my fingers.

hmm. bound to get sick from this.

a day off.

well earned.

can't believe i've been sitting in front of the computer since 9 am. and now it's noon. scooby Alprazolam valium vs - doo kraft dinner for lunch.

but the web page is updated with pictures so job well done.

will head outside later ... after 5 when it might not be 95 F, with a head advisory warning, and a humidex factor that will make it feel like 105.

i guess these are the dog days of summer.

pant on.

it's hot.

hot hot.

tres hot.

Anxiety alprazolam - very hot.

luckily, i spent the majority of the day hopping from one air conditioned environment to another. my apartment to the bus, the bus to another bus, another bus to the branch, the branch to a bus, bus to my branch, branch to the subway, subway to bus, bus to friend's apartment, apartment to Generic alprazolam, cab, cab to my apartment.

managed to not melt into a puddle. but no promises for tomorrow.

have spent the entire week trying to catch up sleep and rest and sanity ... and realizing that more and more each day i generic alprazolam high speed internet access at home ... it's taking forever to upload all the pictures and pages from my holiday ...

was leaving work last night and was heading to brooklyn. i found myself standing in the middle of the train platform, just standing there trying to decide which way to go. front or back.

did i need to be at the front or back of the train? front or back?
i must have looked just lovely standing there, staring off into space. trying to decide front or back. trying to visualize Generic alprazolam : the station Alprazolam valium vs, at 14th Generic alprazolam, street, where i needed to change trains to catch the train to brooklyn. was the corridor leading to the other train at the front of the platform, or the back? hence, did i need to be in the front of the train, or the back?

i finally decided on back, and, turning left, headed that way. just in the nick of time, as the train pulled into the station as i got to the end of the platform.

as i was generic alprazolam staring off into space, pondering the next step in the trip out, i realized that it's all about the front or back. the first time you make a commute somewhere, you tend to stick to the middle, or wherever the turnstile leaves you. then, when you get where you're going and discover that you have to walk the entire length of the train to get where you need to go, you quickly make a mental note as to where you need to be next time.

perhaps that's why i can't remember anything anymore ... brain of a sieve ... it's full of subway Alprazolam valium vs : station layouts and maps so my commuting life is easier ... for every station i enter, a birthday or phone number is wiped out.

front or back.

high speed access. it's getting late. looks like no new pictures tonight.

i can not believe that it's thursday already! i totally lost an entire day travelling.

ok, so my lovely 12 hour train ride on monday turned into a 20-ish hour nightmare. we ended up spending anxiety alprazolam 5 hours at niagara falls waiting anxiety alprazolam a new engine. didn't get to ny until 3 am (instead of 10 pm like scheduled).

so it's sad to be back from holiday ... but that's reality.

spent the trip watching british movies ... bridget jones' diary, four weddings and a funeral, and harry potter. generic alprazolam as a result, spend the last 2 days speaking brit speak in my mind (and sounding bloody brilliant at it, i might add), trying not to stick the f*&# word into every sentence as they do in bridget Generic alprazolam : jones and four weddings (not harry potter, thank goodness).

was walking thorough the city yesterday ... to the post office and bed bath and beyond. generic alprazolam as i was walking up 1st avenue, i was thinking about how much i had missed the city, and then at the same instant thought about about bayfield. lovely Alprazolam valium vs : small town in ontario. i love bayfield. the tree lined gravel sidewalk, small shops lining the streets, caramel anxiety alprazolam ice cream, etc. what a contrast! can't get much more of one, i would expect. and yet, i love them both. one minute i could be on 1st avenue, and the next step i could be in bayfield and i'd be perfectly happy either way. i'm so odd.

well, must go and catch up on my mail ... mostly bills, i'm afraid.

welcome home.

on the road again ... just can't wait to get on the road again ...

wait. it's the rails, not the road. and i could wait.

this has been a fantastic holiday ... just lovely. a bit hot, but i'm not complaining.

have done lots of celebrating, what between a 'family' reunion, birthday celebrations, and a wedding (not mine). been to the beach, to the lake, stamped and anxiety alprazolam soap, gone for walks, eaten ice cream (caribou Alprazolam valium vs : caramel rocks!), seen some familiar sights and seen new sights, seen old friends, made new friends, seen family, discovered family, Generic alprazolam, enjoyed familiar events like the rib-fest and the balloon-fest, started new traditions, enjoyed old ones ...

as always, there are things on the list that i didn't get to see or do as i'd anxiety alprazolam ... people i wanted to spend more time with ... but all in all it's been a blast, and, like all good things, i guess it must come to an end.

tomorrow will be long, and then back to work tuesday. so i'll wish all a Happy Simcoe Day now as i'm going to spend the entire holiday on a train.

see you in new york!